Reflektions on learning to go with the divine flow of things
It is very interesting everything that is unfolding within the last few years. To this day I remember a moment around 7 years ago when I was chillin on my bed in the evening listening to a youtube video, to be specific it was an audio recording from Stuart Wilde a very wise man, spiritual teacher and speaker.
There was something very life changing that happened within this period of listening, because for the for the first time I became aware of my breathing.
I remember exactly the moment when I noticed that I held my breath while I was listening to the Video. It shocked me when that came into my awareness because suddenly I was like, I’m just lying here why do I not breath correctly? What the fuck is going on here?
A few moments later I also noticed that the whole time while I was JUST LYING ON MY BED, I was clenching my fists, like I was just about to punch someone.
That truly shocked me to the core!
That was the first time I became aware of the state that my nervoussystem seemed to be in at this moment.
After becoming aware of that I started to take deep breaths while listening, relaxing more and more into the moment. I felt tingles all over my body and my reacting to the deep breathing I was doing. A few moments later it happened again, I started clinching my fists and the breath was shallow again, so again I started to take deep breaths in and out and I stopped the video in that moment and after that the only thing I did was focusing on my breath.
That my lovely Friends was a massive shift that happenend in my awareness, because after this moment. Everything changed.
I started to train myself.
I started with Breathing consciouss and deep.
Every day, whenever I noticed that I was clinching up or the breath was shallow I reminded myself to breathe deeply.
Within time I deepened my practice I started listening to meditation music and while I was doing that I layed down on my bed with my eyes closed. That was me consciously relaxing my body for the first time in the at that time 26 years of my life.
It feels very surreal to this day, that up to this point I just wasn’t aware of my Breathing or the reactions of my nervoussystem, like in simple situations like just lying on my bed.
It felt like a switched was turned in my awareness. Something clicked and it clicked for good.
I went on a very deep journey from this day on and I’m still on that journey to this day. I took me on a magical mystery ride that at some points felt super scary and challenging and in other points felt like I could finally lift of the ground and fly, like I did in my dreams for many years of my life.
I’m so thankful to this day that this opening happened. That my higher self or my guides, or sometimes I like to believe that it was Stuart himself who already ascended his body that send an Impuls that brought this into my awareness.
That happened like everything in my life in perfect timing. Because everything that happened afterwards prepared me for the intense phase of my first Initiation I was ging through within the last two semesters of my studies at university of course, it couldn’t have been another time.
But it prepared me for one of the most challenging phases of my life. I was bold because I thought to myself if I’m going to do this I write my Thesis about something that truly matters to me, which at that point was a Book that I read that was recommended by no other but Linda Molton Howe and it is called “the holographic universe”, written by Michael Talbot. This Book became my Bible.
I started experimenting with actual hologram technology, holograms and lazers in the photolab of my university a tiny room with no windows. I remember it to this day. Something in me was like ‘Janine, are you crazy, how can write you write a thesis about Quantum Physics and Holography”. For some reason I thought I can easily combine this with my Film Studies I thought I’m just gonna do something experimental I mean I’m an Artist, right? 😀 haha
Little did I know the journey I was about to embark on and little did I know where it would take me…
and how it would change me for good…
..because it took me beyond and outside of space and time.
I spent most of my time in this tiny lab with no windows in the darkness playing with these dangerous lazers and holographic plates, when I didn’t write or did some research I was laying on the ground of that lab breathing deeply listening to selfeggio frequencies.
At some point I thought my goodness what am I doing here!!!???
But it felt great so I kept on going.
I became aware of a lot of things within that period of time, like the interconnectedness of all things and yeah, things you become aware of when you finally awaken to a deeper truth.
My cells were ready.
My whole being was ready.
I got upgrades every day, but at this point in time I didn’t know that the sensations I felt were actual upgrades and cell remembrance. They were so intense that at some point I really thought that the molecules and atoms of my body are just going to dissolve into thin air or I will hover above the ground at some point. At least that’s how it felt.
Luckily I had the best Profs that let me do what I did without questioning or judging me even if it was a crazy idea, when I reflect on it.
But it was so worth it every single second of this time was so worth it.
I wrote my Thesis and I made my experimental sound light psychedelic movie installation.
I did everything and I’m proud of it, even if I couldn’t really enjoy it because I was still somewhere inbetween. It took me some time to anchor back into my new awareness like in this human existence. Took me years to be honest and a lot of transformative processes after that, but yeah I was there, right?
So I would say that was my first awakening.
At the exact right point in time.
Within this time I learned to realx into things, because I knew that when I keep going with only doing things with my mind, like you know that feeling when the mind is tensing up about a task you want to get it done absolutely nothing is working.
Within that time I learned to take a step back and in every moment I felt super overwhelmed or stressed I stepped away from everything and I layed down and I relaxed into the music and the frequencies while breathing so deeply. I took an hour for that just breathing, feeling and relaxing my body.
After this hour I was so fresh that I could keep on going with everything and I also was able to do twice as much as what I was usually capable of doing before.
That was truly a gamechanger.
I still have to remind myself of that to this day. Like on some days my mind tenses up and I want to do things but universe is like now is not the time but my human is like I don’t fucking care I just want this to be done, and than nothing works. So I do the same, I take a step back and I breath and I feel into what the universe wants me to do at this point in time.
The good thing is that I learned to feel into what is important and I get sings so clear that when I start to do something and that is not the thing to do in that moment my vision is blurred or the technical stuffs shuts down. 😀
But when I do the things that I’m meant to do at a certain point in time, there is this effortless flow and it is so sexy it’s turning me on every time I’m in it.
To this day I wonder what gets me out of that sexy juicy flow?
It feels so much better than clenching up about what my human thinks needs to be done.
But I guess with I time can manage and access this state more and more and more effectively and maybe I can even stay in it like forever. 😀 haha One can dream, right?
Writing this reminds me of how far I’ve come and of all the work that I did and all the “time” I invested in actually getting to know me on a deeper level. And I’m so grateful and proud of myself to this day, that I listened to this inner calling and I made the changes that needed to me made and I did what needed to be done.
Tapping myself on the shoulder right now, telling myself “Well done Janine”
I hope this inspires you beautiful souls where ever you are in the evolution of your human, keep on going.
Take the steps.
Make the changes.
Small shifts matter.
I believe in you
And
I love you,
Janine
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