I always say that I’m an Artist. Thats the first thing I say before I tell people anything else about me. Most of the time they want to know more. Questions like what kind of Art and what else are you doing? Just so that they can put me in a category in their inner category catalog. Like that is all that I am.
I met people throughout my life, that just wanted to know more about me but I felt the Intention behind it wasn’t true. But sometimes we meet People that are good people, I mean those who are honestly interested in our being.
In the past I felt obligated to answere any question. Because I thought if I had no answere it might seem strange. I thought I have to know who I am. I have to know what I want, right?
Today I think differently about that.
Do we really ever truly know who or what we are?
For me that was never the case. I was always asking questions. I wanted to know more about me, more about life, the universe everything. Everytime I thought ’now I know everything‘, now I can say ‚this is what I am‘, I always got to the conclusion that there is more.
When I grew up everyone around me besides my Mother, was always trying to tell me what I am or who I’m supposed to be. Mostly because they would be very comfortable with the character they wanted me play. That way they always knew what to expect of me. And sometimes I just played the role. Those were the times I tried to satisfy other peoples expectations of me. And that was also the time when I lost myself completely.
When I did something different or tried something new people were like ‚but thats not you,‘ or ‚you don’t like that‘. I was so shocked. Now I know that they pushed me into boxes because they felt so comfortable in their own, with nothing ever changing.
I would rather end things living like that.
How could I ever be just one thing? I asked myself that question so many times. How could people expect someone to be just one thing? When everything in the whole universe is always evolving, growing, changing. And they want me to stand still, because they think they can stand still, safe and comfortable wherever they are.
At this point in Time I don’t feel the need to explain anything to anyone anymore. I let them think whatever they want to think. Because they do it anyway. It doesn’t matter what I say, or what I want them to believe. I also discovered that you don’t have to answere every question, damn had somebody told me that before. But I guess I’m just at that point where I don’t have to prove anything to anyone anymore. What a great place to be. So quiet and peaceful. Sometimes I ask myself if my past self could already feel where we’re going to be in the future. Somehow I always knew things.
Just be whatever you want to be. Don’t play anything for anyone. If they are comfortable in Boxes let them stay in their Boxes. But you, please grow, break free from this imaginary prison, expand, evolve, change, play around, reinvent yourself everyday because thats what life is all about. Not Only in this human form. But in the universe in general.
On this day I can say that I’m pretty excited for all the version of me that are still to be discovered. But I’m also thankful for all the past versions of me, because they showed me deeper truths.
If that’s not magical I don’t know what is.
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