Belonging

Reflections on the need to belong…

..Somewhere

to something..

Someone? 

Sometimes I want to be Friends with People that are not my Friends. 

Sometimes it takes me a long time to realize that these People are not my Friends. 

And it has nothing to do with them being mean, or with mobbing, even if it sometimes happens and they are not inclusive. 

It has more to do with the Frequency and how I feel when I really feel welcomed and held within a safe space. 

Throughout the last month and years I entered a lot of spaces in the physical, online and metaphysically. 

Since I work with Fields and I have a strong presence, me being there hardly goes unnoticed and that has nothing to do with me pulling the attention onto me it has everything to do with me being fully present within these spaces. 

I’m very good at seeing through dynamics and patterns, because a field is not only made out of the people and the room, may it be physical, or an energetic space, this overall field is made out of all the patterns, geometric structures and forms that are a part of everyone and everything within that space. 

Everything is constantly shifting, shaping, pushing, pulling. 

It’s a dynamic, living breathing Field that is alive, attuning to everything and everyone that is plugging in. 

It’s truly amazing. 

The structure of this world is truly amazing. 

So…

When I enter a space, it ripples through. 

And when others enter a space I also notice the effects of their presence because I can tune into the field and into how it is being formed. 

When there is a person that is used to everyone attuning to that person and therefore they are all behaving in a way that person is imprinting in the field, I dismantle the structure and therefore the patterns. 

I See it. 

I feel it. 

I know everything that is happening on the most subtle levels. 

So, when I enter spaces where there is one controlling figure and everyone is used to behaving in their controlling structures and patterns, I dismantle the structure. 

Some spaces were created out of pure intentions. 

Some spaces have been created out of wounds of people. 

The coding of these places is most likely a false guru template coding, because everyone around that person is trying to fill in that hole that the person has that created that space. 

But it can never be filled. 

Like a lack of love can only be filled with self love. 

Not with the love of a partner or other people. 

We have to fill the holes. We have to heal the wounds. 

There is no other way around it. 

So some spaces have this wounding coding and there are these people that are constantly feeding into the wound of that one person that created the space that is like a black hole just sucking in energy without give anything back. 

Because the only one who can fill this whole is the person. 

This is how toxic environments are being created. 

After the last 4 years of living in Hermit mode it took me some time to get out there again. To really reintegrate into society again. 

And I was really curious about the world I would dive back in after these 4 years in silence doing inner work. 

I noticed that a lot has shifted within the spaces and the structure. Some might say these are good shifts and some might say these are bad shifts. 

I say it as it is. Shifts are shifts. 

And everything is pushing the evolution of this species and this planet forward. 

And this what we want. 

This is what existence is about. 

It’s about evolving. 

At least this is what they write in the Ra Material and it resonates very much with me. 

Being more like a lone wolf for most of my life it took me some time to adjust to the thought of being part of a group. 

But I know that to be in this world I had to be in this world. Meet people. Go to places. Have experiences. Live. 

So at one point I was pushed out of my shell to experience something so life changing that life was never the same after that. Suddenly things felt possible. 

Me having this life experience I dreamed about felt possible. 

I knew I had a way to go, like I knew that there are always themes to work on. 

Expansion is evolving and we are constantly expanding and evolving. 

When my Parents split up when I was 9 years old and my mother, my sister and me we were picked up by the police so that they could keep us safe from my Father, everything I knew up until this point broke into a thousand pieces. 

My world as I knew it didn’t exist anymore. 

Nothing was there anymore, but uncertainty and chaos. 

I had amazing Friends from like first grade forth grade, but after this incident we had to move out, so I was taken out of my normal environment, which shifted everything. 

The Trauma that I experienced shifted the pattern of my being and little by little I lost my Friends, I guess there was no resonance anymore, or I didn’t feel like I was worthy of them, because so many ‚bad‘ things had happened. 

After that I chose very questionable people as friends and things got worth and worth up to a point where I entered a lot of abusive friendships. 

I always felt like I had to fill their holes. 

Like I can love them and it’s gonna be okay. 

But it never was. 

Everything I put in there was sucked into this big hole within them. 

A hole that only they can fill with their own love. 

It took me long time realize that. 

It takes me some time, sometimes to realize that some people I want to be friends with are not meant to be my friends. 

It doesn’t get to this abusive point for me to notice anymore, because I learned from my past experiences, but sometimes there are still some echoes from the past and than I’ being shown in a very clear way that the people I want to be friends with are not my friends and I’m way better off without them. 

Just recently I went through something that felt like an echo of the past, so today I asked myself where the origin of this could lie in my past and I went all the back. 

I really wanted to understand why sometimes I want to be friends with people that are just not my „vibe“. 

Within these destructive teenage years I made friends with people I thought were cool, so I got into these circles and  it was nothing like I expected it to be. 

All of these cool girls were so empty inside. 

But for some reason I stayed. 

For too long. 

Why did I stay so long? 

I guess that is a another story. 

But at some point I got out. 

I got out on a day where I left the Wedding of one of my oldest Friends. 

I just left. 

It was not my world anymore.

It didn’t feel like I belonged there anymore. 

It felt liberating and heart crushing at the same time. 

Like I was truly closing this chapter of my life. 

And I moved on. 

Now that I knew who I didn’t want to feel when being with my so called friends, I was wondering how it might feel to be with people that are vibing with me? 

Like where are my people? 

After 4 years of intense inner work I finally met some of them. 

Let’s say I was at the right place at the right time and from that point on everything changed. 

There are still spaces and places where I don’t feel like I belong. 

But I’m being shown more and more how it truly feels when I feel like I belong. When I’m being welcomed with everything that I am. When I am being celebrated just for being me. 

Where I am being seen for who I really am and people witness and honor the greatness within me. 

Because people that really embody greatness are not threatened by my greatness and presence. 

People that are threatened and triggered by my presence do not embody the fullness of who they are, because if they would, they would not be scared of me, because they knew who they are and that this is not a competition. 

Some people thought within the last month that entered spaces to take on their role, or to take away what they have. 

Which is disgrace to my being, because I hold the power of creation within me.

Why should I want something that is already being created? 

I am here to create my own legacy of love. 

There were people in position of power that were threatened by my pure presence. 

I couldn’t understand to this day why they were threatened by me? 

They have their lives and their families and their „status“? 

It’s strange, I wonder if this is fully embodied power? 

But I doubt that it is. 

Because I am not threatened by people entering spaces, because I celebrate greatness. 

I celebrate growth.

I See their potential. 

Whether they choose to life it or not. 

It hurt me. 

Being in these spaces where I was perceived as a thread it hurt me. 

These projections hurt me. 

All of these subtle energetic movements and shifts and the frequency that was expressed through the words they spoke, even if I knew that something very different from what they were saying was transported through the words.

I felt it. 

But I remind myself that everything is temporary.

And that I enter these spaces for a reason.

And even if there is a person and it might even be a „leader“ figure that is threatened by my presence I deserve to be there. 

And exactly as I know that my presence is being felt in the field. 

I know that my absence is also being felt. 

Because I am done. 

I am done with these projections.

I am done with being perceived as that threat, even if I know that it has nothing to do with me and everything to do with them. 

I am done. 

And it might take me some time to really see through everything, because there are this pink love glasses still on, but when I do. I do see everything. 

I feel these are my closing words for today. 

And I hope that all of you pattern breakers, dismantlers and shifters are being reminded of your true strength and capacities. 

We need to be in some places.

We need to shift some fields. 

II believe in you.

And I believe that there comes a point in time where these projections don’t hurt anymore. 

I do know with everything in me that there comes a time, when they don’t matter. 

Until then…

Stay strong my friends, 

I love you 

And I want to see you shine. 

I want to see and feel your greatness. 

I want to see what you can become. 

I feel excitement when I feel into potential, to witness, celebrate and honor your growth and expansion.

And everyone that doesn’t want that is not our Friend.