free falling

I remember the day I decided to start my own company after my studies very well. I was so excited and enthusiastic about everything, because I felt like I could conquer the world.

It took me some time to realise that it takes a little bit more than just enthusiasm and positivity to keep something going, or should I say to even get things started.

I established a few small businesses doing freelancing stuff in different directions around the areas I studied. At that point in time things were really playful, with my head in the clouds creating, being creative, not really taking things to serious which is good in one way, cause sometimes I take things way to serious.

I was telling myself, if it doesn’t work out I can still work a normal job.

Coming to a point where I took the step working in a normal job realizing that this is definitely not an option anymore, because it left me drained and depressed at the end.

But what does Abraham Hicks say, ‘you have to know what you don’t want to know what you do want’

Now I’m at a point where I really know that I want to do this, I feel that I’m ready to do what I came here to do, to use my skills and knowledge in a way that is serving my highest good and therefore the highest good of the world. But that also means to grow up, and to handle things.

And it also means to be consistent.

To stick to things.

I was a very dreamy head in the clouds person, like I still am sometimes, my focus can shift and be in many dimensions at the same time. But I also learned to lazer focus on what I need to focus on at a certain point in time. This my friends was some kind of journey because in the past my attention was all over the place and the smallest thing, sound or voice was able to interrupt my concentration very quickly.

Over the years I trained myself, meditating, doing qi gong, exploring my inner universes, getting to know myself or what we call the self on deeper levels.

It still is suprising to me knowing where I was a few years ago feeling like a blade of grass in the wind that get’s blown around by the smallest breath of wind.

Now I feel like a tall tree, with roots that go so deep into the earth that even the biggest hurricane would not be able to rock my core. Even if the crown is spinning around and my trunk is bent in all directions.

I come back to my center.

People always say to never half-ass things, I get that now, because only when you truly commit you can go through the doors that are opening, or that were open the whole time for you to step through.

But I’m still human lovely souls, and there are still some thoughts and programs that sometimes creep up in my mind, like ‘will I be able to pay my rent in a month’, ‘where is this all going to take me’?

And I do the work I sit down and I feel trust and I breath and feel the the energy flowing through my body, knowing that I’m supported all the way.

It takes some guts to embrace the unknown…

And I have to recenter a lot of times in a day, because of the creepy thoughts sometimes.

But I still feel deep trust, it’s crazy sometimes…

The universe really does reward trust and dedication.

But still I feel like I’m in a constant state of free falling not really knowing if I ever land somewhere.

But maybe that’s good, maybe that’s exactly how it’s supposed to be.

Taking it one step at a time.

So, I’m taking it one step at a time.

Floating or free falling through endless space, not knowing where I’m going.

While I’m writing this, I can imagine this is what the Earth must feel like. Haha 😀

Even If I think deep down, she knows where she’s going.

And maybe deep down even I know where I’m going.

So, this is for all of you who can relate and find themselves in similar situations. You’re not alone…even if it feels like it sometimes.

You’re never alone.

I believe I can do this and so can you.

I kiss your hearts you wonders of this world

-jn