The theme trust kept reemerging for the past few weeks in my experience. I thought about that topic very often, because it’s not only a game changer to trust in life and people, but the most important thing is to trust in oneself.
Because when we trust in ourselves the universe and everything that’s part of it is reflecting that back to us.
Within the last few years I learned to trust myself more and more, and by practicing that, I learned to trust in life and in people more and more.
I just started a new job and my colleagues already feel like family, but you know how it is with family, only family can trigger certain things and topics so we can work through them.
I learn a lot of new things, and there is a lot of new information I have to integrate and they are all great teachers in their own specials ways.
As you might know when you already read a few blogposts of mine.
I do believe that every single person is reflecting a part of us.
And all of the people we encounter in our lifes are teachers and guides. I really do believe that, no matter where they come from, no matter what they do.
The universe can speak through every single person/being on this planet.
So there’s that beautiful teacher at my workplace constantly making sure that I integrate the information and that I do understand the processes from a deeper perspective, so I can operate in a confident way, knowing what I’m doing.
But at the beginning the lessons was not quite that obvious, because like all of us I still have an Ego, bless my ego, and sometimes it gets irritated.
Sitations arised where I felt like I was tested in way that felt very strange.
Almost like I was set up for failure.
My ego really doesn’t like to make mistakes.
I know they are part of this experience and we grow through them, but if my Ego could choose I would never make mistakes and always do everything perfectly fine.
It is still a challenge sometimes to not get frustrated and being okay with making mistakes and learning from them.
Because that’s how you grow as I said before.
But something in me is still roaring sometimes,
And then I’m asking myself damn it, how could that possibly happen.
But then I tell myself it’s okay, And I’m fine I’m just learning and growing…
It’s okay to be human.
Within that process I also noticed that I sometimes feel uncomfortable when I have to carry certain responsibilities..I have to do that a lot at my workplace now…
Taking responsibility for my actions and doing everything in a clear way, looking at details and numbers and scales.. (which is totally my favourite thing, to deal with numbers and all types of bureaucracy, reading texts that don’t really have a charge of any kind, you know like when you read the policies of something, which is so much fun). 😀
But yeah I do those things now..and at the beginning I got very overwhelmed so overwhelmed that as soon as I got out of my work place I started crying for help in a very dramatic way.
And I was like
“Universe how can you do this to me? Please help me”
Maybe some of you know that feeling or those moments when you feel like throwing everything away because you have no idea how you could pissibly handle whatever you’re supposed to do…
And in my experience I feel that pressure on my chest and I had asthma in the past and it’s almost the same feeling, of not being able to breath properly and then all the numbers and letters on the screen turn into a gibberish chaos and I can’t read a single word or number anymore.
This isn’t the first time that it happened, because it happened before in a very profound situations when I thought that I had already outgrown this years ago…
That was kind of shocking but also eyeopening moment…
It’s funny how life reveals new things or deepers thruths in very comic way, at least that’s how I see it.. because there I was thinking like I figured out everything and I got this and that, running my side business, doing my writing and art, nothing can shock me anymore, right?
And the universe said: HA, and now I show you deep deep wounds you still have to heal, and you have no idea where they came from.
I really do have no Idea, when I reflect back on my childhood and everything I get where certain triggers and themes are coming from..but I truly have no idea where this pressure, number thing is coming from..
Maybe you have an Idea, if so, share it in the comments, I appreciate your perspective.
Coming back to my theory or belief that every person is representing a part of us.. and that amazing teacher at work constantly checking if I get the process…
So at some point I was asking myself “what part of me could that person represent?”
And at this moment in time I was like okay, this person is representing that part of me that is not yet fully sure of myself”, because If I would be sure these themes wouldn’t come up right?
Again I thought I also worked through the trust issues but I’m still working on them..still healing wounds, still realizing deepers truths..
So, as it always is with me I want to get rid of things and heal as fast as possible, but that’s not always how things are meant to be.
And I do encourage myself to trust in my process and that this experience is teaching me exactly what it needs to teach me with everything and everyone in it..
Even if have no Idea sometimes how to get through the day…
I feel myself growing with every day.. even if no day is the same as the day before, that has also been scary in the past. But I learn to trust in my abilities to handle situations in a confident way.. I learn to speak my truth and stand in my power in every situations and if not working at some point I’m okay with it, because that is also part of the process.
How ironic life can be..
I find myself thinking a lot about the humor of the universe and my guides, ancestors, and angels and whoever is there supporting me on my lifepath. They have the best humor in the world. Sometimes I look up, even if they could be anywhere above below or beside me and I laugh with them, because then I’m like you genius beings, even if my ego get’s frustrated or confused sometimes in the end I smile at the situation and I reflect on how it taught me exactly what it was supposed to teach me.
And beautiful souls.. I do deal with numbers now…
And I’m that super dreamy artistic being that loves to just daydream the whole day, flying through all spheres of existence, being like oh let’s just see what this day might bring.. head in the clouds..
But it feels good to deal with numbers now.. even if I get overwhelmed sometimes.. for some reason I’m there and my higher self knows why, so I just decided to go with it and take this experience as the master that it is..
Face your fears, right?
I still wonder if or when I won’t get that feeling of pressure on my chest while dealing with these numbers and caculations..
We’ll see about that, I’ll keep you updated
In the meantime beautiful souls I wanted to tell you that I love you and that I’m very thankful that you took the time to read through all my words and thought processes and I do hope with all my heart that you could take something from it and use it for your own growth.
I kiss your heart
-jn
No responses yet