Reflections on getting comfortable with just existing.
Will it ever be enough?
A new Baby has been birthed into existence, one of my precious Bubbles of Creation and in the process of that I’m always in high energy mode where I feel like I could do anything and everything all at once.
After the Birth they is this feeling of pure excitement within, because I now have the privilege to gift this Baby to the world. Curious about how the world will adapt to it I stay in that pure feeling of curiosity and wonder knowing that it does not belong to me anymore.
It never belonged to me.
It’s hard to admit that sometimes because we put so much love in this creative process and we go through so many emotions and stages within it that when it’s done there is this feeling of emptiness.
I love that feeling.
Until shortly after that my mind is going through my inner folder of projects already choosing the next Baby that wants to be birthed into existence.
I hate it when my mind does that. Because the origin of that is the need for recognition and fast birthing.
Everything is born in perfect timing.
There is no need to shoot out Bubble after Bubble.
When you’re a Ceator, an Artist, like all humans are I’m sure you know the feeling that emerges when we create something that feels so truthful to us that it can just exist. And afterwards you’re like ‘ahw, this is so satisfying. I created something truthful’, not for anything but it’s pure existence, not knowing whats it gonna be.
Will I destroy it after? Will I keep on creating with it?
No attachement whatsoever.
I wish it was always like that, but my ego still attaches to the Bubbles that have been birthed.
It’s a shame, but it’s also human.
Creating Art and birthing Bubbles is the most wonderful and magical process, but it can also be painful at the same time.
Today I woke up streaming music in my inner universe. I wake up with streaming music playing in me very often. Sometimes I record in the morning. This is my attempt to catch the vibes or the song. But most of the time it’s very frustrating, becaue as soon I try to capture it and hold it, it feels like the juice is gone.
Do you want to know what I love the most?
I love to stream music from this musical realms for hours. I can do that I can sing song after song after song after song, oh there is another melody and there is another beat.
Endless forms of Creation and endless Songs and longlines flowing through. The most fun I have when I just stream. It would be super cool to livestream and loop one day. I wonder for how long I could do this?
But I would also love to birth my songs into reality and finally share them with the world..
But how can you capture something like that. To this day I ask myself how songwriters and producers do this?
I started producing my songs myself. It’s an interesting process, since I studied film and not music production, but a lot of people have done it having no clue of these programs so I figured that I can do it too.
I’m a fast learner, but still very impatient sometimes. 😀
Sometimes it takes a while to shape something..
Sometimes I want to shoot it out into the world immediately, but my guides are like “There is a time for everything, be patient and puzzle and shape”. And my human is like “but I want to share this now and I want it all now! 😀
But some things take time…
That’s just how it is.
So I go through these stages of riding the wave of excitement and flow, letting these lines flow through and also working through the frustration when I can not already shape them into what I want them to be.
This has something to do with being a good instrument.
Like a good musician can stream all the music and songlines that stream through freely and translate it into this reality into this world.
I want to be the best instrument.
But practice and patience are required to get to a certain level of mastery.
Maybe I should just stick with singing, but some part of me wants to do it all and learn more and more and more…
I love learning.
I love learning very much and there is always more to learn, expand and grow on all levels.
Simply writing this down and sharing this with the world makes me happy.
Will my Songs and Albums ever be birthed into existence, fully shaped to their full potential?
I have hope and I do my best.
Will keep you posted beautiful beings.
Until then..
Keep on going and creating, or just rest and lie down, like I’m doing right now. 😀 Laying in my Bed on a beautiful Sunday after an intense creating and birthing period typing this down.
It’s a wonderful thing to be human.
Suffering is created by the mind. That annoying, but also very powerful instrument of creation that constantly tells us to do more and be more. Fuck off I say now 😀
I surrender.
And so it is.
I love you,
Janine
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