Liberation

On liberating the voice and releasing ancestral karma

For a long time now I’ve been wondering how we will ever be able to love and accept men in our society for what they are at this point in time.

Because let’s face it, they are just humans like we all are.

A few month ago, I saw a documentary on Netflix a very intense documentary ‘beyond men and masculinity’ showing men opening up in safe spaces in front of other men, sharing their feelings, their truths and their pain.

It was a very powerful documentary. A documentary that opened a new perspective for me.

Growing up us a woman in this world, at this day and age it can be a true challenge to love men. At least that is how I feel, with having witnessed abuse of women in all forms in my family line throughout the ages and to be honest I don’t know a single woman that didn’t deal with some form of abuse throughout her life.

I always wonder how previous generations could deal with certain behaviors knowing that I grew up in a ‘lighter’ time when people started talking about abuse and all kinds of things happening in families and the world.

It’s hard to put into words the respect I have for the women in my family line and the women all over the world throughout all time.

You deserve so much more, than what you got.

I noticed really early in my life that some things weren’t right in this world. It was so confusing to see the difference of treatment for women and men in our society, well aware of the fact that this was even worse at some point.

Growing up I asked myself so many times ‘how is this possible?’ ‘how can men treat women in that way, and be okay with it?’

I know that there a men who know about the glory of a woman and the holiness of her body and what represents in a spiritual sense. I know some men know. I just haven’t met much.

But I do have hope, I do believe in the divine masculine and I do believe that even men have the ability and the will to become better, to evolve, for the greatest good of all.

My mother grew up in a very violent household, with my grandpa beating her, her siblings and my grandma until they couldn’t get up anymore.

It brings me to tears right now writing this because if you would know my mother and my grandma and all of her siblings and how loving and pure they still are even if they experienced this amount of terror in their child and adulthood is beyond what my human brain can comprehend. And I’m so thankful that my mother is my mother and I’m so proud of her for choosing the path she chose with everything she had to go through.

I bow to you mother.

Thank you for never giving up.

I bow to your ability to love and forgive.

I bow to everything you present in the physical and beyond.

You are a living goddess.

In my time I only experienced some echoes of the past. Which doesn’t make things better, but it was not the extreme of what the older generations went through.

Liberating the voice is a main theme in my family/ancestral lineage, because in my family speaking up, speaking your truth meant to be faced with physical or psychological harm in worst way. Even if my father never slapped us he did his part with his special kind of psycho terror.

Anger stills scares me, sometimes.

Angry people still scare me, sometimes.

But I learned to speak up, it took me 20 years until I could stand in front of my father not being affected by him screaming that he would kill me when I don’t stop talking.

But I stood my ground looking him in the eye not even moving away an inch, because to be honest by that point in time I didn’t give a fuck if he would kill me or not.

My grandpa always says ‘dogs that bark don’t bite’

And I was like, let’s see if that’s true.

From that point on everything changed, the dynamics and the way he speaks to me.

I do love him my friends. I always did. He is my father and we only have one in this life , right?

And he may have his faults like we all do, he also has a soft and loving side that comes through from time to time.

When I was growing up everyone always said ‘you come after your father’ and I was like, oh my goddess, please no 😀

What does that even mean?

Throughout time I noticed and I figured out for myself what that meant.

My mother taught me everything in life because we my sister and me grew up with her, being raised by her.

My father taught me a lot of things in the forst 9 years of my life, after that he was kind of gone, which was good for us. For all of us including him, even if he doesn’t see it in that way.

I carried a lot of his anger in my cells, or was it my anger?

Or was it the anger of all the people who were mistreated and abused throught our ancestral lineage?

Does it even matter whose anger it was?

I felt it sometimes, I felt all my cells cooking up like they would light up spark that could turn into a wild inferno that could never be stopped.

My mother says that she left him, because she saw the dead in his eyes at some point.

How scary is that?

I still get the shivers writing and thinking about it.

To this day I believe that if my mother hadn’t left him some people would not be alive anymore.

Puh…

This is heavy stuff and if you’re still reading this I’m sorry if this is a lot.

But to put something joyful in her at this point in time we’re all alive and we’re all pretty happy with our lives right now, even my father.

Talking about a happy ending knowing that this is not the end, but in some way, we went through a happy ending already.

I want to thank my mother and all of our angels and protectors out there in the physical and spiritual realms, thank you for saving our lives.

Thank you for the opportunity to heal on a deeper level.

Thank you for the ability to speak up and tell the truth in all forms possible.

It has been a journey so far, it may not have been the easiest one, but it was definitely worth it. And it still is.

Every experience.

Every breakdown.

Every breakthrough.

The wound is where the light enter, isn’t that what they always say?

I get that.

Life is intense sometimes, for me it is intense all the time.

But I’m happy with it. I’m satisfied with the intensity of everything.

I felt numb the first half of my life, I’m done with that.

If you’re still reading shiny friend, I want to thank you too, because you must be some kind of light warrior and maybe you even went through some similar situations, even if I hope that you didn’t.

Know that you will come out of this much stronger than you could ever imagine.

And even if we feel so small on some days, know that it takes so much strength and courage to keep on walking the path.

I choose life every day.

And the universe loves me in return.

Choose life my friend and life will choose you.

I love you with all that is me.

Never give up.

-jn